Haay..

"may babae si joseph..nahuli ko sila.."

I received this text message from my sister this morning. I didn't know what to say. Nakakainis. I tried hard to push the negative thoughts away. Another cheater. Another broken heart. Another crying wowan because of marital unfaithfulness. I have heard (and seen) so many issues about infidelity. Minsan nakakatrauma na.

*my uncle left my aunt for another woman because she can't give him a baby
*my cousin cheated on his wife who was working abroad because he got so "lonely"
*a friend almost committed suicide after discovering her husband being unfaithful to her
*someone is dating another man because her bf can't give her what she needs (emotionally and financially)
*this girl flirts with her officemate just for the heck of it
*this guy sleeps with another girl whenever he can.

Cheaters. Cheaters. Cheaters.

What the f*ck is wrong with these people? Ano bang nangyayari sa mga tao?

Do they cheat because they have the chance and opportunity? Or para wala lang? Do they cheat because they are unhappy with their partners? or bored sa relationship kaya naghahanap ng "fun"? To get emotinal fulfillment? or sexual satisfaction? Do they think cheating will help them feed their self-esteem? Feeling macho/ganda pag may kabit?

Cheating is fun, fine. But if they become so attached to the person they are flirting with, it starts to be so addictive that they can't let go anymore. What makes it more fun is the thrill (and danger) of getting caught. Alright, fine, minsan ang pagkukulang na din ng mga asawa/bf/gf nla ang reason that pushes them to cheat. But still choice pa din nila kung manloloko sila diba? Besides if they really love their partners, they won't do anything to hurt them right? When will they come to realize the pain they bring when they cheat? Do they know that these people have to deal with so much pain and misery when they do something stupid like that?

Whatever it may be, there are no acceptable reasons to cheat while other partner is being left in the dark, deceived and tormented. Mga ganyang tao, wlang backbone!!

To you ate, it's up to you whether to give this man a chance. If you do, you're taking the risk of being fooled again. But if you don't, you might be missing the chance of making your family whole again (malay mo, magbago na siya..i hope) . Just be wise in making big decisions like this. Be strong and take care of your self and the kids.

I need to unwind. Nakakairita na to.

Ciao!

survey na nakakairita

Name?
- Khiara
Age?
- 24 going 25
What would you do if a spider jumped at you and stole ur wallet?
- huh, that's so irrelevant? why my wallet?
What would you do if you found out that you were adopted?
- ooh, that'd be fun! the adventure of finding my biological family..wow!
What would you Do if rudolph the red nosed reigndeer showed up in ur yard?
- ask him what the F is he doing in my yard!!
do you like eggs?
- huh? a..yeah? what happened to Rudolph?
how do you like ur eggs?
- sunny side up with the "sunny" well done!
wud u like to put pepper on ur eggs?
- absolutely!
why?
- why not? haha!
that's nice....anyways...do you like cheese?
- not really..
what if the cheese you were eating turned into a monkey butt?
- crazy imagination huh?
would that disturb you?
- you mean the monkey butt? oh you freak!
why?
- again..why not?
so when are you going to visit your fairy god mother?
- ok, this survey's driving me crazy..maybe that question should be, when's my FGM going to visit me ayt?
are you sure?
- yes, because i don't even know if I have one..you freak!
so do you like potatoes?
- fries yes..(labo nmn nito)
what kinda potaoes?
- potato fries (that's it)
maybe u'd like ur potatoes with some mayonaise?
- mayochup!
so what would you do if a penguin ate all your potatoes?
- i don't think penguins EAT potatoes..
would you kick it?
- why would I?
you better not have said yes..
- I DID NOT SAY YES FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!
do you agree that penguins are AWESOME!!!?
- I'm not gonna answer this..
and so are monkey right?
- yeah, monkeys like you are so nice, so nice to kill, you dirty rotten ape!
anyways...so how would you feel if you were molested by Micheal Jackson?
- what the?!
why would you feel that way?
- that way what?
are you sure?
- sure of what? oh come on...
ok then..what do you do when the aliens come to suck out your brain?
- haha, gud luck to them..they'll have a hard time looking for it..
so what do you think of britany spears?
- you mean BrITney Spears?
do you like to dance in the rain with a bikini on?
- I don't wear bikinis..rain or shine
i bet you do...
- you lose!!
do you also like to eat ham smothered in hot and spicy cow fetuses?
- did you say FE-TU-SES?
so what would you say if a stranger came up to you and grabbed your ass?
- next question please!
would this upset you?
- what ja think?
why?
- why what?
i see...so how do you feel about chicken?
- chicken?
what would you do if you found an elf in your bed at night?
- that's so nice..I'll talk to that elf and offer him a cup of coffee
YOU WOULD MOLEST IT WOULDN'T YOU!!!???
- what the??!!! are you serious?
com'on..don't lie
- i just wasted my time answering this..
it's over...
- it must be..stupid!

someone's loss

I'm back. After 2 very tiring and stressful weeks, I can finally make my appearance here.

Few weeks ago, Ichu brought a very painful news to me. Our Popsie passed away. I was so surprised. I became numb and felt devastated. It took 15 minutes or so before it finally sank in.

I opened my phone to send Essie (Popsie's daughter, a close friend and a sister to us) a text message to make sure she's fine. I know how weak she can become when it comes to her family. But I don't know what to say. I can't even convince myself that's everything's gonna be fine. Crap! why was it so hard to say something to make someone feel better about their loved one's death? I just told her that I was sorry and that I am sending my hugs and kisses to her and Momsie. Reminded her to be strong.

I went to tha wake the next day. I first saw Momsie sitting across Popsie's coffin. I gave her a comforting hug to help her ease the pain. Then I went in to see Essie. It was so nice to see her wearing that smile cos I know she was fine. Enil (my bestfriend) and Besh (her bf) were also there. Then Joey, Ichu and Nards came in. It was like a reunion. A kind of reunion nobody wants to attend to.

Then I realized, I won't let something like this happen again for us to stay connected and constantly see each other. I promised my self to give enough time for our friendship.

I am still trying to recover from that pain when Nhel (another close friend) sent a message telling about Kuya Lawrence's (brother of Babin, who's also my bestfy) death. I once again felt devastated. Another heartache, another struggle. I went through the same emotions.

I never questioned HIM about death. For me, death is just a part of our lives. The last stage we need to complete for us to see the totality of our existence.

The question is, how soon will it be?

Patience? What's that?!

Again?! How many times do I have to be upset for you to stop doing things that annoy me? How many times do I have to remind you about the things we need to do for us not to fight? I don't want to be a monster just to make this work for us. I'm trying hard to be calm and laidback but things keep going crazy and nasty because we are so inconsiderate and careless. For once, can we atleast try to be sensitive? Enough to see what's happening around us? You're not selfish, I know that and you're definitely not a child anymore. You understand the consequences of everything you do. But sometimes you tend to do things without considering other people. I don't wanna put all the blame on you. I have my own faults too. I also make mistakes. The only differece is that I make sure I learn from them. I try not to commit the same mistakes cause I know how it's gonna be if I do it again. We argue over the same matters. Aren't you getting tired of these? Cause I am. I'm tired of fixing things for them to work better. I'm tired of letting you do this to me. Whatever's left of my patience is running out so fast. We can't be like this forever. I'm getting so fu*king frustrated.

I am.

random thoughts

* i so love shura, the character from soul calibur
* i really really hate my boss..just because I'm practical doesn't mean I'm lazy no!
* i love my friends (...)
* i miss adrielle
* i want something salty (like potato chips!)

that's it for now..hasta la proxima vest!

Thinking

I'm running out of..

1. Energy- tired and underpaid..geez!
2. Patience- what's taking it so effing looongg?!
3. Reasons- why do I have to work this hard anyway? As if somebody cares.
4. Motivation- I'm just holding on because of my friends who aro oh so funny. Plus the belief the that I am not a quitter.
5. Hope- insensitivity + negligence = disappointment

I have lots of..

1. Things to do- which will eventually make my energy drop to -x ft. below sea-level.
2. Laughters- thanks to my friends. =)
3. Plans- business? check! out-of-town? check! VLs? check! wicked plans? double check! Hahaha! (insert devilish laugh here..)
4. Expectations- which are still expectations.
5. Faith- that will never be gone.

Ok, while I'm writing this, I feel so sick and my back aches really bad. I can hear my self shouting for rest and sick leave. I'm planning to use 2 or 3 of my VLs but I can see things piling up on me once I get back to work. So dismiss that makhi. I also have to attend this training-for-the-trainers thing that I can't afford to ignore. One of the agents started on me again with his controversial attitude problem which an additional burden. I just hate him. I'd rather work with a demotivated person than handle someone like him. I just hate him. He thinks I'm a bitch, sure I am. I don't like him. That's all I know.

Sometimes, I can't help to ask the one up there why I have to go through all this and I just heard him reminding me not to question his will and that just shut me up.

Maybe I should be thankful because these trials and hardships actually made me stronger. I was never this brave to face the demands of life. To welcome all the challenges with open arms. Haha, very splendid (geez, does someone actually use that word?haha!)

Anyway, we're up to something really really great. Can't wait to start ahead.

That's all for now. Hasta la proxima vest.

Now, I am challenging myself to see how far I can go. If this determination and the willingness will take me somewhere. What would happen if I give my full trust to you, you who once betrayed me. You who once controled my life. What will I get if I start believing in you who's good at lying. If I keep my eyes shut and zip my mouth, will you notice my silence? Will you be so curious enough to ask why I'm not opening my eyes? If I stop hating myself and give this heart a chance to be free from hatred and vengeance, will you stop giving pain and sadness? If I stop asking for things you can't do and just embrace that you've got nothing more than that, will you start to appreciate me for what I am? If I promise to take care of myself, are you going to take care of me as well. If I stop treating you like a prince, will you learn how to do things without my help? Let's see.

I just hope you can do these things while I'm still here. Cos when I'm gone, I'm not gonna try to find my way back to you.