sinimulan mo ako, kaya mo kayang tapusin?

putanamesh na mga reaksyonista!!..oops, good way to start this entry huh?

Ok,fine,e ano naman ngayon kung nagpost aq ng mga "indecent" pics sa facebook? Mamamatay ka ba? Why is it such a big deal? Kelan pa aq nagbigay ng karapatan s mga tao para sabihin sa akin kung ano ang ipopost ko sa fb? E fb ko yon?? Be mad if i hacked your fb and posted stupid pictures there. Pun...yemas (quote: ahyen) pati ba naman fb pkikialaman?
Fine,nakakahiya dhl i'm still carrying his name? Dhl though we are physically separated we are still married blah blah blah..question: sino ba ang may gustong dalhin ang pangalan nya? You might wanna ask me how i feel everytime i wake up carrying his name.
I'm always FREAKING OUT.

What's so interesting is you really have the guts na aq lang ang paranoid..that he didn't cheat on me..hu-waw! You better hear my side of story girl, and i'll roll it out ON YOUR FACE..i can give you dates, numbers, places and even names (take note,plural yan) i can explain to you the hows and the whys,just to make sure that you know the WHOLE STORY, hndi ung story nya lang. For you to realize kung sino ang nakakahiya at d nagpapakatotoo.
Pero syempre,i won't waste my time just to talk to someone na sarado ang utak. I don't owe you any single word,any explanation. Again, karapatan mong magisip,pero sana husayan mo lang.

I'm not really trying to start a fight,that's just not me. Ayoko lng na pinapakealaman ang buhay ko ng mga walang alam,ng mga taong ndi naman tlaga ako kilala. Because if that's your purpose kaya ka nabuhay s mundo, napaka walang kwenta mo namang tao para manghusga at mangealam ng buhay na ndi naman sau. In the first place,d ka naman kasali s laro namin e. Pampam ka lang.
Anyway,make sure you can hold on to your words til the end,i don't wanna see you picking up some shattered pieces of your pride..and by the way, dnt call yourself a LOSER..you're way beyond that. Mwa!

first entry for 2010..

this is not what i really wanted to share. I promised myself that everytime i blog,it will be all about being happy. But hey, promises are made to be broken,so give this shot to me cos i am really really upset.↲Masaya aq. Sobrang saya. I now realized why it never worked out with anybody else. Cos in the end i still have the rights to be happy. I'd like to thank my friends for having an open mind to understand everything i do and every decision i make. Cla lang ang may krapatang husgahan aq dhl they know the whole story. Alam nla kung cno at knino nagsimula ang kahihiyan na sinasabi ng ibang tao,mga taong wlang alam s mga ngyari sa buhay ko. Those who know nothing pero kung mkapag react plang kilala nila aq mula ulo hanggang ingrown. Those people who think they've seen the hell i've been through. Those people who see me as a whore just because of the simple and little things they see,ang d nila alam,madami p clang dpt makita at mlaman for them to know kung sino ang mas nakakahiya. Fine. Maybe it's really wrong to be happy with someone else. Fine,its wrong na iwanan ang taong d marunong magpahalaga sa akin. Fine, maybe i shouldn't be proud because i was able to get out from a place na nasasaktan at nahihirapan lang aq. I'll kiss your ass kung mabibigay mo ang katahimikang meron aq ngaun. If you can make me uber happy as what i am right now. If you can me feel loved, if you can take care of me, if you can do EVERYTHING na hndi gnawa nya gnawa,kung mapupunan mo lht ng pagkukulang nya. Yun e kung kaya mo lng.↲dhl kung hndi papakain ko sau ang kahihiyang cnasabi mo. Wla naman ak0ng pakialam sau e. Pati s mga reaksyon mo. Cno kb? You can say anything you want. You can talk about me and make me damn interesting. You can call me names and you can also go to hell,kita tau don. Ang akin lng,know the whole story first. You know nothing kaya feeling mo tama ka s mga opinyon mo. Try to research tutal interesado k naman s buhay ko e,and you'll then find out why i am so proud and super happy..↲↲Yun lng naman e.. Tsaka don't judge me,i'm not a book..nyahahaha. Seryoso q nyan.

may mas sasaya pa pala

ok..we bid goodbye to november and said hello and soon byebye to december. And i just wanna share..↲Masayang masayang masaya. I never really thought life can be a lot better and happier. I realized a lot of things dhl s mga ngyari. Things became so loomy nung umpisa pero little by little, umaayos na. This is what i want. And i will never ever regret doing there things dhl alam kong ndi aq NAGPAPAKAPLASTIK. I decided to go out and see the real world, as a real person. It may be too dangerous out here,too complicated,but this is where i belong,not anywhere else. Hndi s harap ng mapagpanggap na ngiti at kabanalan,na pag talikod at pag magisa na lang saka lumalabas ang kalokohan. I belong to this place,where i know who my friends are, where i know when to give up,where i learned to forget and be in love again,where people take care of me ng wlng sumbatan,where people let me see my worth. I belong here..and this is where i want to stay...

say cheese!!

"We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have"
-Frederick Keonig

Haaay..it was a great weekend.

Happy, that's what I feel. Walang halong kaplastikan. I've been spending a lot of time with my friends (one thing I missed just because of...hmp)and I realized that it is the best way to forget (at effective po siya mind you).

I never really imagined that reaching this level of happiness is so easy. I learned that there are so many things I should be grateful for..

* my very cute and witty son who will always be my inspiration. My little boy. The only reason why I'm holding on. Just enjoy being a kid son, just enjoy it..*mwa*
* my friends of course na sinasabayan ang kaadikan ko. Haha. You guys rock!!
* my Tita, who never really left me kahit na hindi ako nakakabisita ng madalas
* Nathan and Besh..haha uyy special mention.

These are just a few of what I should be thankful for. When we realize how blessed we are, for sure, we will certainly be happier. Yun din ang paniniwala ni Frederick Keonig (na hindi ko nmn talaga ka close). Hehe.

ok, so that's it for now..mpre to come. *wink*

A new me..

Now what?..

Life is sweet after all..yan yung narealize ko after ng delubyo (wow..san ko naman napulot yon??) haha..Anyway, I've never been this happy before. Yung tipong habang nagta type ako eh naka smile talaga ako. One of the changes I'd like to make nga pala is to start blogging in taglish..Hehe, there are things kasi na mas naeexplain ko pag taglish kesa mag english ako (na minsan nakakatuyo ng matris) haha..

Alright, so let me start this appearance by thanking these people for bringing out the "new me"..

Denah - wala akong masabi. Thank you for giving me your heart and ears sa lahat ng oras. Masaya man o malungkot.

Ice - mare, thank you thank you so much for being so sweet kahit na the tie that connects us is not that long pa. We'll get there db?

Quio - pare! right from the very first day we started working together, I know I can rely on you. Thanks for being there to listen, for letting me realize things that are so simple yet so hard to understand. For being so dear na parang nakakaloko minsan.

Dale - mother!! kapatid..haha..I know how much you care for me. I also know how much you want to kill someone because of the heart aches "that someone" gave to me. That day inside the bathroom will always be a part of our sweet friendship. Thank you.

Benz - haay. The moment you said I'm one of your best girl friends..nangilabot ako..haha. serious, you never know how grateful I am to be one of your best friends. You also proved to me that behind those nasty words is a man (?) you can always count on. A man (??) who welcomes anyone in his (?) house whether it's an enemy or another man (??) haha. Salaat baks sa pagiging bestfriend.. =)

SYNOVATE FAMILY - for everything. Yun na yon.


Essie - thanks for the pic..again..haha. thank you dahil despite the busy scheds, you're always a text away. Kahit na madami akong utang na memories sau, you were there to be a friend.

Babin, Enil, Joey, Ichu na din and Nhel na din - I know naman na lagi kayong nanjan..anytime, wala lang siguro tayong time. Thank you for keeping the friendship alive..

Nathan - thanks for making me feel so special. I'll always remember that you are the one who made me see my worth. That I deserve more than what I'm asking for. That someone will always see things for me. For everything we did together (hmmm..ano kaya yun??). Where were you all along kasi?? Haha..

and higit sa lahat, to Besh..you are the reason why I've reached this far. You showed me na kahit na lalake marunong malungkot. Masaktan. You made me stronger (not by breaking my heart) but by showing me how strong you were during those times. I never really thought na ganun ka kasweet. You also made me realize my worth in a different way. Having you and my bestfriend will always make me remember lots of things. At sa mga babaeng umaaligid sau (haha) good luck sa knila. Hindi mo sila papansinin. haha. I know you are happy Besh and that's because may mga tao kang nainspire at natulungan mag move on..at isa ako dun.

Kung may mga nalimutan ako, yun ay dahl inaantok na ako..Hehe.

Anyway, till next time..watch out for more of my happy thoughts..

Isang basura. Isang tira tira.

I told you, I'll get back to this page to tell the whole story..so here I am.

I'm not telling the whole story by the way. I just want to share how I feel.

My instinct never failed me. For the third time, my instinct revealed the same fuckin' painful truth to me and their stupidity justified my doubt. My heart was filled with rage, hatred and anger. Why did it take me a very long time to realize how stupid I was to believe in second chances. I was fooled by the same person over and over and over and yet I stayed because of this so-called love (love my ass freak!!). Well, I was so wrong to think I could ever keep him. To try to make a better man out of him. Oh well, that's everything he can offer. He can't be any better than that. Maybe it's time for me to stop turning him into a man he can't really be. He's hopeless.

This one's for you.

You never realize how important you are to me. You never know how excited I am to go home just to be with you. I tried to understand your ups and downs because I know how much I love you. Fine I am a brat sometimes, fine I usually do and say things that cause us trouble. Still you don't have the freakin' rights to do this to me.

Numb. That's what I am. I can't realy imagine why you are doing this to me. Do you feel better about yourself when you cheat on me. Does it feed your fantasy of being a macho guy? I tried to work things out with you. I gave you more than what was fair. I forced myself to embrace all the painful things you and that stupid slut did to me. I gave you all he chances to be a better man. Chances that more than your cheating ass ever deserved. I believed in you when you said everything's gonna be fine. I believed in you when you promise to stay and leave that bitch alone. But you lied. You fuc*in lied. What a big fat liar you are.

Too bad you were so stupid to let her call you at home. Too bad she was sooo stupid to answer the phone and confirm your shit. Proud maybe of the shit you two are doing. What's so funny is you still have the nerves to say you are not doing anything wrong. Damn. Do you think I'm so fuc*in clueless to believe that you didn't go behind my back and do stupid things with that whore? Do you think I am stupid like her? man, having sex with that so-so is the biggest mistake you ever did inside this relationSHIT and pursuing any ways to get in touch with her is the craziest. So you think having a little hi and hello with that dumb a-hole who once threaten our marriage is oh-so-fine? To gve that ugly witch a call once in a while just to talk about anything is cool?? You think that will help us rebuild our family?? You think that will make me feel fine?? You love giving me those lies just to defend your freakin' self and to protect your dumb fu*k buddy. You have to think twice man, cause you are so fu*kin losing us just because you don't want to let that worthless piece of shit go (oh, yu just lost us nga pala).

Let's try to turn things around. I'll cheat on you, have sex with another guy (I'll make sure he's way beyond better than you by the way)and keep constant communication with him, how would you feel?? Will it be oh-so-fine to you if he calls me at night to ask me where I am? Will it be cool if he asks me to call him while you were sleeping right beside me? I'll kill myself if you'd say YES!!

Now what? to save your freakin' ass from taking all the blame, you started to question my personality. You tried to accuse me of not being a perfect wife for you. Of not doing EVERYTHING just to make this family whole. To probably let me feel I deserve whatever you two did. No matter how you look at it, CHEATING is FOUL. It's a SIN. You can't do any crazy and stupid things like that to a person who accepted all your flaws, to a person you promised to love, cherish and protect (fu*k those wedding vows, fu*k that bitch and fu*k you!!!).

I can't really imagine that behind our laughters, behind our good times together, behind those special times we spent with our son, behind all those things that happened between us ar all LIES, all STUPID LIES!!! How much more superficial this family can be??

You think you're better off with that stupid whore? You think you will have a perfect time spending with a LEFT-OVER?? She who slept with 5 different men? A bitch who doesn't really care about your son? A home-wrecker? A slut whose level is a thousand lower than mine? (ok, I'm not that pretty I know, but hey, I know I'm not dumb.) A blood sucker who thinks I am no match for her because you're running after her and can't resist her funny charm?? You think I feel oh so bad and badly hit because you want her more than you want me? You think that just having a fantastic sex is the most important thing? Think again pervert. Think again.. I will never ever take my son for granted just for a stupid guy.

I'm done. It's all over. I gave you too many chances. Chances you keep on abusing. I gave you too much of what you don't deserve. Go nuts and spend your fuc*in time with that whore. Don't ever expect me to run after you. Martyr no more baby, martyr no more. You will not come back to me. I will not have you. I will never ever beg for you to come back. I don't need a loser in my life. All I care about is my son. OUR son who is being abused by your bitch. OUR son whose happiness was taken away by a sloppy bitch. May the happiness be yours while you and your stinky playmate are eating your own shits. I am free from this misery. At least I can face my son without guilt, without any sense of regret. Shameless. Just a final laugh. Karma is coming to get you. You'll pay. Both of you will pay.

And to you, you stupid bitch..YOU ARE SO PATHETIC..that's all.

Hasta la proxima vest..I'd love to see you both in hell by the way..fuc*ers!!

numb..

I am back..and that's because I feel bad and I can't find the right person to share this with..

So, though I am tired and still need to wake up early for tomorrow's shift plus my back is aching again plus the light in this room is 'still' busted plus I am having trouble seeing the letters on the keyboard, I still forced my self (and my eyes and fingers) to start typing.

I don't know, I just don't know why I feel this way. I know it's not so nice if I forget things I should remember. But it's really really bad when I remember things I'dather forget. Talk about self torture. Heck. I feel so bad about the past especially if things around me only bring them back.

But by the way, my last entry was on August. So I think I have to give some updates..

SEPTEMBER I turned 25, I got a new phone from marrk (thanks)
OCTOBER my son turned 2 and we made sure we pay back for the uncelebrated 1st birthday. So we decided to throw a pirate themed party for him at Fun Ranch Tiendesitas. It was a blast. Spent too much but hey, my son deseved to have a party like that..I will try to post some pixies to share with you guys (as if someone's reading my page..nyaha)

and comes NOVEMBER..

and going back to my drama..

I hope it'll be over...I just hope everything will be ok..

hay wait, my back is aching reaaallly bad...I have to stop and get some sleep..i still have 5 hours..great..

till next time. maybe by then I can explain what I really wanted to share...

Ciao!
I'm really having a hard time typing na ksi e..crap this unlighted room..hmpf!